6 Months Down, 21 to Go

This weekend, I hit a milestone. I have been in Zambia for 6 months now! Living in a country and culture with a very different understanding of time, I almost didn’t realize how long I had been here. When the days are longest I’ve ever felt and the months feel short, these 6 months feel like the longest 3 years of my life!

While yes, reaching the 6-month mark did feel like a cause for celebration, even moreso it felt like a time for reflection. The amount that I have learned (about myself and about others), the amount that I have gone through so far (hello, salmonella and a long-distance break-up), the relationships I have formed (with other Peace Corps volunteers, with my host family, and with people from Zambia), the conversations I’ve had (good, bad, confusing, inspiring), and everything else that I’ve experienced so far really made me stop and think about what it is I’ve done here so far. Here’s a couple of my biggest lessons learned so far:

1. How to be my own best friend
   Building a relationship with yourself is a lifelong journey, but I’d argue most people don’t get dropped into it with no choice as young as I am. Being just 22, I hardly know which way is up, let alone how I plan to let my values lead my life or how to speak kindly to myself. But being here, being by myself most of the time, being in such a different culture that it forces me to reflect on mine, has really caused me to dive deeply into building that relationship with me. I have to be my own best friend! Which is hard and scary and frustrating sometimes! But if I wasn’t, I would go absolutely insane. My mindset has shifted from spending time “by myself” to spending time “with myself.” I have personal jokes, I speak kindly to myself and affirm myself (even though that is so dang hard sometimes), and without constant electricity or distractions, I have found ways to pass the time and entertain myself, too. Being your own best friend is hard, and I know that it is a lifelong journey, but I feel that building the foundation for that now will set me up for a kinder, softer relationship with myself throughout the rest of my life.
2. I can do hard things, and I can continue to do hard things
   The past 6 months have been so full of challenges (rewarding challenges, but challenges nonetheless!), cultural blunders and differences, learning curves, frustrations, joys, that my resiliency has been stretched, and then stretched again. Luckily, thats’s exactly what resiliency is: the ability to stretch and not snap. I’ve had bad food poisoning, I’ve gone through a breakup back home, I’ve had meetings that no one shows up to, I’ve been the loneliest/most fed up/craziest I’ve ever felt, I’ve seen the direct effects of climate change and drought in my community, and all kinds of other things. But I’m here! And I find things to be grateful for and smile about every single day! Because ultimately, this beautiful, surprising, hopeful, enterprising country unfolds more of itself to me each day. And bearing witness to that is my greatest joy these days. So when things are hard, I know that I can do it, because I already have.
3. This is the right place for me to be right now
   Was Zambia the place I thought I’d be coming to when I applied for the Peace Corps? NO! Not at all! Crazily enough, I considered applying for this position but decided on another post because I thought the living conditions would be too tough for me. But here I am! And yes, the living conditions are definitely an adjustment from our cushy American ways, but I have largely adjusted to them. This is the right place for me to be right now, because of the people I have met, the culture I am growing to love, the things I am learning about myself and about the world, and the lessons I am meant to be learning. Who knows, maybe another country or post would be just as fitting, but I’m here and it fits and I have no conceivable idea would my life would look like right now if I didn’t walk down this exact path. And these days, I’m feeling pretty good about the path I’ve chosen to walk down, the path I choose to walk each day.
4. You only have to open your eyes a little bit wider to see the beauty in the ordinary
   After 6 months in Zambia and 3 months in my village, I feel largely accustomed to my daily life, and if I’m not paying attention, it can feel pretty mundane. But if I choose to open up my eyes, I can see where the beauty pours into my life. My 21-year-old sister has gone back to finish secondary school after a 3-year break to raise her baby (who’s my best friend, by the way). My family’s eyes light up after a good day of rain because they feel hopeful for the harvest. I had a simple conversation in Citonga more easily than I did a week ago. I finally found the spot between my walls and my roof where the lizards come through. My puppy gets bigger each day. My family shows me little cues that tell me they accept me and feel comfortable with me. If I just go through my day without paying attention, I would never see the beauty and grace of these small things, but if I open up my eyes just a little bit wider, I suddenly see that my life has so many incredible things to reveal to me.

There’s many other things I have learned in the past 6 months, about myself, about Zambia, about other people, about the world, but you’re going to have to be content with this for now! Next month, I’ll be 1/4 done with my service here (YIKES!), and I’m not totally sure how that happened, but I’m here and I’m doing the best I can do each day, and sometimes that isn’t much, but I’m still trying. Here’s to 6 months of challenges and figuring things out, and here’s to 21 more months of the same.